WASHINGTON, D.C. — The highly anticipated UFC Freedom 250 event held on the White House lawn was abruptly cut short Sunday evening after President Trump announced he had brokered a peace deal between the fighters.
The exclusive invitation-only event ended without warning when a peace deal was finalized that no one even knew was being negotiated. The main event, a fight between Ilia Topuria and Justin Gaethje, never took place and was instead replaced with an impromptu 90-minute Trump rally no one expected.
"My fellow Americans, we have a lot of great fighters tonight, but it turns out I am the real winner because I have subdued them all with the art of the deal," Trump said after stealing a microphone from Joe Rogan. "They said it couldn't be done, but your favorite president has skillfully negotiated peace among the fighters to end this bloodshed. It turns out all they wanted was money, so I gave them lots and lots of money."
He continued, "Effective immediately, these incredible fighters — just the best really — will stand down. Now, instead of working against each other, they can work together with the rest of us to truly MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!"
Jon Anik, a UFC commentator broadcasting at the event, noted it became so quiet in the massive arena that you could hear a pin drop. "He truly is the Peace President, isn't he, fans?" Anik said over the broadcast.
At publishing time, Trump responded to blowback at the peace deal by convincing Secretary of State Marco Rubio to fight random strangers in The Octagon for the rest of the night.
After a slight mixup, Steve, Timpani, and Britunni end up at the Alamo instead of the Alamo Car Rental. Protestors block their way out and Timpani is going into labor!
