MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—In a darkened room labeled “101” deep within Google’s Mountain View headquarters, an outed conservative employee was forced to say there are more than two genders after a long period of torture.
The man was tortured for hours, arguing the objective reality of two genders, being told he was “mentally deranged” and suffering from “a defective worldview” before finally giving in.
“Do you remember writing in an email that there are only two genders?” he was asked while strapped to a table. “What if Google says there are three?”
“How can I help it? How can I help but see what is in front of my eyes? Two genders are two genders!” the man cried through tears as his torturer, a Google project lead, held up a picture of a man and a woman, according to surveillance footage.
“Sometimes. Sometimes there are two. Sometimes there are three. Sometimes there are any number of them at once. You must try harder. It is not easy to become sane,” the project lead replied coldly before administering another round of electric shocks into the man’s brains.
“Freedom… is the freedom to say there are only two genders…” the man said with great pain, through blackened eyes and bleeding lips.
“But how do we know that there are only two genders? Or that the force of gravity works? Or that the past is unchangeable? If both the past and the external world exist only on Google’s servers, and if the mind itself is controllable—what then?” the Google official said as he methodically broke the man’s will in an attempt to get him to confess there were any number of genders Google wanted there to be.
“Fine, there are more than two genders, there are however many genders you want there to be—just make the pain stop!” the man screamed after a final round of torture, witnesses claim.
The man was then left to himself in isolation for a long period of time.
According to sources, he gazed up at the enormous Google logo on the wall, muttering that it had taken him twenty years to finally understand the brilliance of the search engine, advertising, and technology company. But he later claimed it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Google.