WASHINGTON, D.C. — The leader of the free world was sporting a new look this morning, as witnesses noticed that President Donald Trump's skin had returned to normal human color just one day after HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. began phasing out artificial dyes.
The president's hue marked a drastic change from the standard orange-tinted tone he had become known for, with experts speculating that RFK Jr.'s ban on synthetic dyes resulted in Trump's skin reverting back to a far more natural shade commonly associated with human beings.
"He's a cleaner, far less-toxic Trump," said one White House source. "We all thought something seemed different this morning when we saw him for his morning briefing. It took us a minute, but we eventually realized that RFK Jr. had banned synthetic dyes, so the President wasn't artificially orange anymore. Apparently, he's doing his part to stop using harmful colors. Good for him. He looks so much more like a person now."
The president reported feeling even better than his usual, vigorous self. "I feel great," he told reporters in the Oval Office. "I always feel great, but today I feel extra great. Very strong. I feel like I could bench-press a cow, believe it or not. I've done that before. Wild nights in Atlantic City. Those are some crazy times. But I feel amazing. Like all toxicity and chemicals have left my body. I feel good enough for a third term, I really do."
At publishing time, an industrial-sized dump truck was seen driving away from the White House filled to the brim with unused cases of bronzer.
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