U.S. — In a huge boost for the Trump campaign coming into the final week, garbage bag company Hefty announced they will officially be endorsing former President Trump.
"It's such an honor, a tremendous honor," said Trump. "To have the backing of so much garbage, such wonderful garbage, it means so much."
Though usually a small player in the election, the garbage vote is expected this year to be a major player in deciding every swing state. "Hefty lining up behind Trump is huge," said campaign advisor Steven Miller. "We're working on nailing down Glad, and then moving on to the off-label Sam's Club stuff. The momentum from garbage is going to push this campaign over the top."
Incredibly, garbage is expected to provide around 90 million votes in the upcoming election, dwarfing prior turnout records. "There's a lot of garbage on our side, believe me," said Trump, holding up a Hefty bag. "Millions and millions of garbage. Kamala, she doesn't know what's about to hit her with all this garbage. I almost feel bad for her, but I don't, because I'm a winner."
At publishing time, Trump had also received the endorsement from several deplorable basket companies.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
