WASHINGTON D.C. - President Donald Trump sent out an order nationwide that all flags be lowered to half-staff to memorialize the tragic events of the last few days, namely the loss of his Twitter account.
"I know we're all still reeling," Trump told the press, "but we have to stay strong. So we're going to mourn -- we're going to lower our flags and remember -- but we're also going to try to move on and live our lives despite no longer having my constant wisdom to guide you."
Journalists also lowered their flags to half-staff (though many of them weren't American flags), as they are the hardest hit, since Trump's tweets were usually what determined the news cycle for them. With the loss of Trump's Twitter account, Twitter is now a confused mess where people are unsure whom to scream at and many orphaned reply-guys now wander about aimlessly.
It is unknown how long Trump will leave flags lowered, though most assume it will be until he leaves office -- which Trump still claims will be some time in January, 2025.