PALM BEACH, FL — The transition period leading up to Donald Trump retaking power took a surprising turn today, as Trump's nomination of Congressman Matt Gaetz as Attorney General raised eyebrows.
Gaetz's nomination for the position, seen by even political insiders as coming out of nowhere, left many in the political sphere in shock, including Gaetz himself -- who responded to Trump's announcement with a stunned look on his face as he met with reporters.
"As you can see, I'm surprised," Gaetz said following news of the nomination. "I've been a big supporter of President Trump for years now, but this totally caught me off-guard. I mean, just look at me. You can tell I'm still completely floored by it. What an honor. Wow. I don't think anything could wipe this expression off my face."
When asked about what type of agenda the American people could expect to see from him as the head of the Justice Department, Gaetz wasted no time in making it clear what his primary goal would be. "I'm going to dish out some cold, hard justice," he said. "There are some people in this country who have been getting away with some shady stuff for a long time, and now it's time to pay the piper. That's why — on day one — I'm planning on going after all the members of Congress who gave me a hard time about wanting a new Speaker of the House."
At publishing time, reports indicated that the eyebrows raised by Gaetz's nomination may have gotten stuck there.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
