WASHINGTON, DC — President Donald Trump announced this week he will be instituting a mandatory military draft for any American who puts a little yellow and blue Ukrainian flag in their Facebook bio.
"These people, they want to fight," Trump told members of the press Monday. "They put that little flag in their profiles and I know they really want to get out there, die for Ukraine. Really brave and tremendous people. Not me though, I'm not a flag person. No flags in my bio."
Trump made the announcement after a massive influx of white liberal women changed their Facebook profile pics from photos of them at the beach with a few of their besties to an image of the Ukrainian flag.
"These upper-middle class pilates ladies are perfect for the front lines," Trump said. "They want to fight. Look at how eager they are. They want to go to Ukraine. Such nasty women. Putin won't know what hit him."
To avoid being drafted, those who posted flags in their bio said they were unaware there was a war going on in Ukraine and they thought the little yellow and blue squares were some sort of Black Lives Matter or trans thing.
"Wait, what's a Ukraine?" asked Facebook bio-updated Ashley Mull. "I thought this was for Palestine. Stop the Genocide!"
At publishing time, Zelenskyy had told Trump he really didn't need these sorts of troops and said he'd much rather have those big beefy guys from the new Army commercials.
An elite force from DOGE uncovers the most absurd waste of taxpayer dollars.
