'The True Election Was In Eternity Past,' Annoying Calvinist Keeps Reminding Everyone

SEATTLE, WA—As Americans across the country cast their votes in the elections, local annoying Calvinist Eric Shaw is using the occasion of Election Day to remind everyone that the “true” election was in eternity past, multiple sources close to him confirmed Tuesday.

“Yeah, we get it. He’s Reformed and he loves talking about election and predestination and all that,” a friend of Shaw’s noted to reporters. “But geez, I wish he would give it a rest.”

“Seriously, it’s over the top,” the friend added.

Shaw has reportedly shared various iterations of the same observation on all of his social media accounts numerous times, on top of hijacking his Tuesday Bible study to bring up the topic of predestination in order to discuss it ad nauseam.

“‘Before the foundation of the world’—we know, we know. I love Ephesians 1:4, too, I just wish he would shut up about it,” another acquaintance told reporters. “For the love of everything holy, somebody please tell him to stop with the John Calvin memes.”

At publishing time, Shaw was sharing another John Calvin meme.

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