HOUSTON, TX—Thousands of Lakewood Church congregants and visitors have come forward to accuse Joel Osteen of tickling their ears with false doctrine.
"Mr. Osteen has been accused of assaulting multiple congregants with the false health and wealth gospel, tickling their ears with false doctrine," an investigator said in a press conference. "He's been getting away with this for years, week in and week out from the pulpit."
The investigative report revealed that under the guise of being a real preacher of God's Word, Osteen deceived congregants and appeased their itching ears by tickling them with myths. He's also tickled the ears of millions through his books and videos, all of which are specifically designed to obscure the true gospel and lead men and women astray from the Word.
"Osteen exploited church members' natural propensity to wander away from the truth and accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own desires," said the investigator. "It seems like this has been going on in plain sight since the very beginning of Osteen's ministry."
Other preachers, including Benny Hinn, T.D. Jakes, and Creflo Dollar have also been implicated in this growing scandal.