Thinking About Going To Church? Here Are 10 Tips For Your First Sunday

Brought to you by RevelationMedia:

Attending a church for the first time can be a daunting experience. If this is the first time you're attending church this Sunday, try not to stress too much about what it'll be like to be in an entirely new place surrounded by people you don't know. Just follow these handy tips, and you'll be just fine.

Do not drink the church foyer coffee: Rookie mistake.
If you're not sure if the church is a good one, just remember that the more comfortable the seat, the worse the theology: Strive to be as uncomfortable as possible.
Do not say "Mmmmmm, delicious!" after receiving communion: Just trust us on this.
If you forget the order of the books of the Bible, just remember this handy mnemonic device: GELNDJJR1S2S1K2K1C2CENEJPPESIJLMEDHJAOJMNHZHZM MMLJAR1C2CGEPC1T2TTPHJ1P2P1J2J3JJR
Get a seat by the exit so you can leave discreetly if a woman tries to speak on stage: Get out quick!
The visitor card in the back of the pew is for drawing cartoons when you get bored: We're not sure what else to do with these.
It's not called "Two Corinthians": It's called The Second Letter of Paul to the Church of Corinth. We think.
If there's a Rolls-Royce in the Pastor's Parking place, prepare to hear a 60-minute pitch for tithes: Actually, maybe just back out of the parking lot and go somewhere else.
If they do something really cringey and weird, just know it's not usually like that, and it's usually very normal and cool, we promise: We're usually not this weird. Seriously, please come back.
Don't forget to leave without accepting Jesus as your own personal savior: Very important.

And that's it! Ten simple tips for a pleasant first Sunday. Good luck!

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