MCALLEN, TX—In a video posted to Twitter last week, CNN journalist Jim Acosta showed his audience how serene and peaceful the border town was, proving there is no border crisis, all while a family of migrants flung themselves over the border using a catapult in the background.
Though the video appeared blurry when Acosta first posted it, the video was enhanced and slowed down by experts. Now you can clearly see an entire family of three launching over the Rio Grande and scurrying away upon impact.
"This is a beautiful spot: peaceful, no problems," Acosta said as he surveyed the landscape. "Look, you can even play shuffleboard. Idyllic and wonderful---there is no crisis here."
But as he swept the camera over the river one last time, a catapult is seen being wheeled to the banks of the Rio Grande on the Mexico side. A family of three loads themselves into the device and are fired across the river. They appear to land unharmed and quickly run away into the city for some nefarious purpose---either terrorism or just working hard to make a living, no doubt.
At publishing time, sources had also confirmed that dozens could be seen swimming across the river, emerging from Bugs Bunny-style tunnels in the ground, and rocketing themselves across with jetpacks.