U.S. — Theologians from across the country signed onto a joint paper arguing that the existence of the Minas Tirith LEGO set proves beyond all doubt that God loves us and wants to give us good things.
The argument states that the contingency of the LEGO set's existence, a set which never fails to produce deep happiness for all humanity, proves that a non-contingent Being must exist, and that the non-contingent Being always wills the good of humanity as well as its happiness.
"There can be no other logical conclusion," said theology professor Michael Fannin. "The LEGO set does exist, but cannot will itself to existence. There must pre-existent Being who wills existence itself, and specifically the existence of the Minas Tirith LEGO set. That Being, whom we call God, continues at each moment to will each LEGO wall that comprises the concentric terraces of the white city. God wills the LEGO Court of the Fountain, the withered White Tree, and even an adorable little LEGO Shadowfax. As we humans happily gaze upon the Hall of Kings, as well as the tiny little turkey leg for King Theoden, one can only deduce that the Being who wills this to exist must will our goodness."
The paper also addressed objections that the set had been brought into existence by human designers employed by LEGO. Fannin dismissed this as a confusion of primary and secondary causes. "Of course God works through human hands," Fannin said. "He worked through Michelangelo to give us the Sistine Chapel, and now through a Danish man named Lars to give us this tiny Gandalf. Look at him. His little staff fits right in his little hand. You cannot seriously expect us to believe we live in a cold, indifferent universe."
Atheist philosophers attempted to mount a defense of their belief system, but the theologians responded by pointing out that the little Gandalf could also ride the little Shadowfax. Debate was briefly suspended while representatives from both sides took turns putting him on the horse, after which the atheists unanimously admitted their error and accepted Christ as Lord.
At publishing time, the theologians were attempting to explain to their wives that God had also necessitated their LEGO purchase.
Noah's Ark has definitely been found and we highlight 9 incredible artifacts that prove it.
