SAINT PAUL, MN — Minnesota Governor Tim Walz canceled his campaign events today after spotting a spider on the wall of the living room and immediately jumping up on a chair to safety, where he spent the rest of the day waiting for his wife to get home.
"Ahhh! Kill it! Kill it!" Walz reportedly cried aloud to an empty house before remembering his wife had gone out to run some errands. "Gwen, where are you? GWEN!?"
Leaked footage from the interior security cameras inside the governor's residence showed the Democratic vice presidential candidate waving a pillow in defense as the spider inched ever closer to him.
A representative from the Harris-Walz campaign later praised the governor for keeping his cool under intense spider pressure. "Some people would have left the room or foolishly tried to kill the spider instead of waiting for help," said campaign manager Debby Cantrall. "Instead, Governor Walz heroically stepped aside, giving his wife room to flourish in the male-dominated world of spider killing. Women are just as capable as men in dealing with spiders. Tim Walz knows this, which is why he continues to rely on women to do important things for him."
At publishing time, due to the spider incident, Walz reportedly planned to spend the remainder of the week resting in bed watching Real Housewives.
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