Straight-Faced Jen Psaki Denies Being Jen Psaki
Politics

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The White House Press Conference took an awkward turn Wednesday morning when straight-faced Press Secretary Jen Psaki leaned into the microphone and stated, “There is no border crisis, there is no inflation, the Afghanistan withdrawal was flawless, the pandemic is over, the vaccines are safe and effective, and I am not Jen Psaki.”

The statement triggered laughter among most journalists, enjoying what they were sure was a really good joke. One New York Times staffer, however, gasped at the apparent news it was not Jen Psaki standing at the press room lectern.

The laughter rapidly died down when the rows of reporters noticed Psaki staring at them, blank-faced and serious. For a moment, the only noise heard in the room was Fox News correspondent Peter Doocy trying desperately to hold in squeals of laughter.

CNN’s Kaitlan Collins raised her hand and said, “Thanks for taking my question, whoever you are. Could you tell us about President Biden’s health?”

Psaki responded, “President Biden is perfectly healthy. He is alive and not a robot being controlled by an elite hacker unit funded by George Soros and Xi Jinping. Also, I am an angel from the planet Zarkthreb who feeds on the souls of the gullible.”

MSNBC’s White House correspondent then asked, “What is the vaccination status of angels living on Zarkthreb?”

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