ATLANTA, GA — Georgia gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams made headlines this week by saying women can offset the cost of children by aborting them. Evidently seeking to spread her message further, Abrams has been seen interrupting parents in a local Kroger's checkout line to explain that they too could save on high grocery bills by aborting their kids.
"I see you're buying pizza rolls for $10.88, up $3 from 2019 – did you know this financial strain could be relieved by killing your children?" shouted Abrams to a young couple after popping out from behind a magazine rack. "As Governor, I will protect your right to kill your kids so you can afford groceries! COMPASSION!"
Sources say the husband's hand instinctively covered his wife's pregnant belly as Abrams crept closer while continuing to elaborate on the savings he could enjoy with fewer children. "I was positioned behind the sunglasses rack when you walked in and couldn't help but overhear you telling your wife about ‘Bidenflation' spiking your grocery costs – if you even killed one of your upcoming twins, you would breathe easier!" Eyewitnesses confirm that Abrams's fingers wiggled as her hands spread toward the woman's pregnant stomach, her eyes bugging out as her mouth watered.
Abrams was removed from the grocery store after harassing four other customers, the last of whom ended up reporting her to Kroger management for making their small children cry when she pointed to them and roared "You wouldn't be cutting coupons if he weren't here – THINK OF THE SAVINGS!"
At publishing time, Abrams had been seen stalking through the parking lot and making a beeline for minivans, armed with long receipts she had picked out of the trash can as a visual aid to demonstrate that families could have more access to financial wellness if they only aborted their babies.
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