HEAVEN - St. Paul has officially relinquished his self-proclaimed title "Chief of Sinners" after learning of the newest allegations against Graham Platner.
Though sporting a formidable list of horrific, well-documented sins before his conversion, St. Paul admitted Platner was in a class of his own.
"I just can't compete with him," said St. Paul. "These newest revelations, wow. Really disturbing stuff, and I'm no stranger to violent sin. I hereby lay down my long-held title. There's a new chief in town."
According to heavenly sources, St. Paul felt his title was in danger after learning that the serially adulterous alcoholic Nazi-turned-socialist had mocked dead soldiers. "I knew then that I had some real competition," explained St. Paul. "Our Lord Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners, of whom I appeared to be in the top two. It was going to be a close call."
At publishing time, St. Paul had confirmed that despite Platner inheriting the new title. the grace of the Lord Jesus would wash all of Platner's sins clean if he would only repent and place his trust in Christ.
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