U.S. — In a horrific display of sexism, War Secretary Pete Hegseth demanded that women in the military be equal to men.
"We will have the same fitness standards for men and women in combat," said the disgusting male chauvinist to a roomful of shocked and horrified generals. "Starting today, our male and female soldiers will be treated exactly the same."
Hundreds of outraged officials came forward to condemn the bigoted, anti-woman policy.
"It was absolutely sickening," said Army General Xander Boofblutch on his TikTok channel. "If men and women are treated equally, then we'll have fewer women in the military, which is sexist because men and women are totally equal in every way and there's really no difference, and anyone who says otherwise is a fascist."
Sources confirmed Hegseth will begin weeding out physically weaker soldiers starting this week. Female soldiers will be required to do everything male soldiers can do, like a few pushups. "What is a pushup?" asked one female soldier. "Why should we be expected to do those? This is just like Hitler."
At publishing time, there were only 3 females remaining in the military.
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