U.S. - In a clever ploy to fight global warming, scientists have renamed "climate change" to "COVID," so that Americans will immediately give up all their rights in order to fight the unprecedented phenomenon where weather trends change over time.

"Listen up, guys - we're not calling it 'climate change' anymore," said climate researcher Dr. Brittany Boyd. "We're going with 'COVID,' which stands for 'climate oscillation & variation into destruction' - this will ensure people will listen to us and quickly surrender all their liberties to fight climate cha - sorry, I mean, COVID."

According to Dr. Boyd, studies have shown that if you refer to the coronavirus instead of climate change, Americans who otherwise wouldn't care about climate science will stumble over themselves to be locked in their homes and give up all rights to their state and federal governments to help out.

"COVID is going to destroy us in less than 12 years," said Al Gore to a packed house. "We must stop this by purchasing as many of my books as possible, so I can fly to more places to spread the word about COVID."

All books previously referring to climate change have been destroyed, just as the ones referring to "global warming" were destroyed before them. "There will only be an endless present in which we are always right," said Boyd.