JUDEA — New historical evidence may indicate that the prodigal son returned home after his father changed the Netflix password on him, according to scholars of the ancient world.
While most historians have typically agreed that the prodigal son returned home because he ran out of money, newly discovered manuscripts suggest that the prodigal son was actually forced to head home after he realized that he could no longer access his father's Netflix account.
"Contrary to all previous interpretations of the parable, it really does seem like the prodigal son was doing all right eating swine food, at least until he couldn't get into the family Netflix account anymore," said Dr. Esias Joiner, an expert papyrologist. "It was certainly difficult for him to keep going after spending the entirety of his inheritance, but the kid didn't truly begin to despair until he realized that he'd have to get his own Netflix account. It was at that point that he realized the depths to which he had sunk."
According to the new texts, the prodigal son returned home with his head hung in shame at the prospect of confessing that he'd been mooching off his father's Netflix for all the years away from home, only to see his father running to him, bathrobe and microwave popcorn in hand.
"Pop the finest buttered popcorn and put the nice blankets on the couch, for my son has returned!" the father reportedly cried out. "For my son who was lost, has now returned. Slaughter the fattened calf and turn on Squid Game!"
At publishing time, additional discovered manuscripts revealed that the elder brother got angry at his brother's return because he had been paying for the family subscription by himself all this time.
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