NAZARETH — Newly discovered scrolls have led Biblical scholars to announce that Jesus seems to have pulled a "super dope, totally sweet" scroll drop after preaching from the Book of Isaiah in a synagogue.
The recently uncovered texts, which are written in Koine Greek, seem to be a commentary on the Gospel of Luke, chapters 4-5. While scholars are not yet certain whether or not Christ followed up His scroll drop with a smokin' hot moonwalk and a few ritzy dance moves, most agree that Jesus definitely wowed his crowd.
"And once he had rolled up the scroll, he performed a sick scroll drop and began to say to them, ‘Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing,'" the recently translated commentary reads. "And all marveled at his hypeness, saying to one another, ‘He is rizzing,' and ‘He is rizzing indeed.' And the scribes and Pharisees rose up, seeking to lay hands on him, for the crowds were saying that ‘Jesus hits different.' But they were unable, for yeeting through their midst with exceptional drip, he went away."
While most God-fearing pastors have opted not to follow up their sermons by dropping the Word of God like a microphone, several have noted that "it was probably fine for Jesus to do. You know, because He's God and all that."
At publishing time, another manuscript seemed to indicate that Jesus finished flipping the tables of the moneychangers at the temple with a slay Fortnite dance.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
