HOLLYWOOD, CA—From her new residence within a tent city behind Disney’s movie studio, Scarlett Johansson held a press conference to announce a lawsuit alleging her payout from the entertainment giant came woefully short of a living wage for the state of California.
Mrs. Johansson’s lawyer, Robert Loblaw, claimed they had a strong case, citing the state’s soaring cost of living, a tax rate to dwarf all other states, and little to show for it besides a “bloated, inefficient, bureaucratic cesspool.”
Mr. Loblaw continued, “Disney is paying her $20 million, plus compensation from Disney+ premium fees. Here in California, that’ll buy you a vegan latté and two trips to the Tibetan oxygen sauna. Untenable for sure.”
The Black Widow star broke down sobbing and was seen being comforted by a fellow tent city resident, Robert Downey Jr., who had squandered his wealth at an In-N-Out drive-thru.
Following the press conference, the starving Johannson was able to procure a gluten-free bagel with keto-friendly spread by identifying as a male actor, thereby adding 25% to her salary.