NASHVILLE, TN — The Southern Baptist Convention voted to adopt a new church policy on Wednesday where tasers can be used on visitors who try to sneak past the church greeters.
The results of the vote were reportedly unanimous on account of introverts not wanting to show up for the convention.
"It is important our greeters shake the hand of everyone who enters the church building," SBC President Clint Pressley said. "Or else."
According to experts, introverts have long been a thorn in the side of church greeters due to the lengths they go to avoid them. But with this new policy, greeters hope to wrest control back from the introverts once and for all by tasing them on sight.
The new rule is reportedly exempt for women because, according to SBC policy, shaking hands with a woman is a sin.
Introverts within the SBC could not be reached for comment.
At publishing time, as an unfortunate side effect of the new policy, introverts stopped showing up to church altogether.
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