WASHINGTON, D.C. — Fauci announced this week he will be retiring at the end of Biden's term as president. To recognize Dr. Fauci for his valiant service to the country, the Biden Administration will honor the outgoing COVID Czar with a 21-booster shot salute.

"The 21-booster salute is the highest honor available in the NIH, end of line," said Biden in a statement yesterday. "Repeat the line. The 12-booster salute all the way up in the, all the, the... well, you know. I'm not gonna get into all that. Get vaccinated. All the boosters. Just do it folks." Biden then started licking a bald Secret Service agent he mistook for a lollypop.

During Fauci's retirement ceremony, a military color guard will execute the salute with military precision to signify the number of Pfizer boosters you should have right now if you were up to date on your COVID shots. They will then left-face toward Wuhan for a moment of respectful silence while a bugle player plays the CCP National Anthem.

At publishing, Fauci announced he had changed his mind about retiring as there is an exciting new manufactured virus coming out this fall and he can't wait to work on it.

World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.