U.S. — As the 2024 presidential election approaches, pro-life voters have expressed excitement that they now get to choose between a moderate amount of babies being killed and a high amount of babies being killed.
"Hmm, I think I'll go with the moderate amount," pro-life voter Ellen Bennett said.
The excitement continues to build as former President Donald Trump, notorious in Democratic circles for his role in reversing the Roe v Wade decision that guaranteed the right to an abortion, has suddenly decided to start supporting abortion up until birth as long as it's convenient for everybody.
"Look, I think it's the right of every state to choose whether or not they murder babies," Trump said. "And it's my right as a Floridian to murder me some babies. Especially the ugly ones. And the loser ones."
According to a new Gallup poll, pro-lifers across the country are thrilled at the prospect of a moderate amount of dead babies. "I thought we were on the path to ending abortion entirely, but I will definitely settle for just slightly fewer dead babies," pro-life voter Dean Thompson said as he carried a sign at a Trump rally with the words: "Slightly Fewer Dead Babies In 2024."
At publishing time, Donald Trump hoped to please pro-lifers with an historic compromise. "We'll have all the anti-abortion states in the north, and the southern states are going to kill babies. It's a great compromise," he said. "Take it or leave it."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
