U.S. — Prince Harry has begged for ICE to please deport him to Guantanamo Bay, offering to commit whatever crime is necessary to warrant his immediate detention and expulsion.
Prince Harry first approached ICE agents in California to ask if he could specifically request to be separated from his family at the time of deportation, then became ecstatic upon learning about the option of Guantanamo Bay.
"I've got to get myself to Gitmo, whatever it takes, old chap," said Harry, desperation in his eyes. "What if I jaywalk? Here I go... look, look, I'm an immigrant breaking the law! Come get me, ICE! Do you need me to punch this old lady? I'll do it, so help me."
Despite his best efforts, Prince Harry has thus far been unable to convince ICE to deport him to a holding facility in Cuba. "Sorry, sir, but you filled out all the right papers when you came here. I wish I could help, I really do," replied ICE Agent Steve Manchin. "I feel for you. We all do. If you could find something, anything you did to break the law when you came to America, I could maybe do something. I'm really sorry."
At publishing time, Prince Harry had lit his customs papers on fire and attempted to seize control of an apartment complex.
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