NEW YORK, NY — Planned Parenthood, in an effort to remain on the cutting edge of progressive language, has announced the new proper term for an unborn baby is "womb colonizer."
"It's a perfect description for those little parasites," said Planned Parenthood spokeswoman Gertrude Mantrap in the press release. "As the authority on procreation and the termination of life, we here at Planned Parenthood will now require everyone to use the new ‘womb colonizer' term whenever an unborn blob of cells is referenced. Thank you."
Though the new term is already causing some level of controversy, certain members of the scientific community are in agreement. "It really is an ingenious new title," said renowned science expert Niel deGrasse Tyson. "When you really consider all of the factors at play here, it's evident that these unborn babies really are simply unwelcome foreign invaders within a woman's womb, and should be treated as such. I am a spokesman for science, and I have spoken. For science."
Feminists nationwide hailed the announcement as a significant advancement for women. "It's high time these womb colonizers get the treatment they deserve!" said purple-haired progressive woman Gwen Frump. "No one has the right to set up shop in my uterus! DIE, COLONIZERS!"
At publishing time, Planned Parenthood leadership had expressed hope that the current wave of anti-colonial sentiment would help them secure more federal funding to kill more babies.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.