THE INFERNO — In a stunning tell-all interview from the bowels of Hell, Osama bin Laden said he is getting really friggin' sick and tired of not getting credit for 9/11.
"I was the mastermind. That's kind of a big deal!" Osama bin Laden said during the exclusive interview. "Do you have any idea how hard I worked on that? But people keep trying to take it away from me."
Despite the overwhelming evidence that Osama bin Laden played a leading role in the single greatest terrorist attack in history on American soil, Osama still has his doubters. They post new videos every year or so, adding to a sea of voices almost as vast as the flat earth community.
The former Al-Qaeda leader just doesn't get it.
"I literally made a video explaining how we did, as all good terrorists do. What more do people want from me?" he said. "Sometimes I feel like it just wasn't worth it."
In between ironic punishments for the sins in his life, Osama bin Laden admitted he can understand why people think he wasn't the only one involved. After all, he says, America is the Great Satan. "It's perfectly natural to think other people tried to help bring America down, as they are the Great Satan. Although, I guess in actuality, Satan is the Great Satan. I mean, he's right over there. Hi, Satan."
Satan, who had been strolling by during the interview, gave a casual wave. "Hi, Obama," Satan said.
"You know that's not my name," said Osama angrily.
Satan only laughed. "Never gets old. I love this job."
At publishing time, Osama bin Laden had confided to fellow Hell resident Joseph Stalin that he was jealous he gets full credit for all the people he murdered. "It's not fair," he said.
Woke Jesus is back with a new collection of socialist teachings for your edification.
