U.S. - As the war between Russia and Ukraine rages on, restaurants across the country are now requiring proof of Ukraine support in order to eat in their restaurants. Patrons are being asked to produce a photo ID and open up their social media profiles to prove they have been adequately supporting Ukraine by posting flags and sharing the latest wartime propaganda.
"We need to support Ukraine as it is the latest thing we are supposed to support," said the manager of one NYC cafe. "If you aren't adequately supporting the thing that everyone says we are supposed to be supporting at this time, you don't deserve to eat in my store!"
When asked about whether he would still require vaccine cards due to the pandemic, he stared blankly and said: "The what? I'm not sure what you're talking about."
Patrons who don't have adequate evidence of Ukraine support will then have to show adequate evidence of Russia hatred before entering.
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.