COLUMBIA, SC — Nikki Haley has released her official presidential campaign slogan, "I am a woman."
"Inspiring," said local woman Alice Reasons. "I think Nikki really hit on what sets her apart from the other candidates."
According to campaign sources, Ms. Haley plans to build her messaging going forward around the reality that she is, in fact, a woman. "I don't know if anyone has noticed this yet - but I'm female," said Ms. Haley at a speech in Iowa. "It's true, folks. I have two X chromosomes and everything. I am someone who can give birth to children. I…am a woman!"
When asked how exactly her being a woman made her the best candidate to be President, Ms. Haley reminded the audience that she is a woman. "This must be the slow class," said Ms. Haley. "Let me explain again. I am an adult human female. I do not have a Y chromosome, and my grip strength is terrible. I, Nikki Haley, am a woman."
At publishing time, a confused Matt Walsh had called Nikki Haley to see if he could ask a few questions.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
