SACRAMENTO, CA—Governor Newsom has announced a lottery sweepstakes where five lucky vaccinated Californians will be allowed to leave California for a better state.
Each winner, chosen at random, will get a free U-Haul rental and a nice property in another state of their choice, no questions asked.
"Do you want to leave this hellhole? Then get the shot!" Newsom said at a press conference Friday. "We'll even spring for the long U-Haul and a trailer so you can bring your car along. Which is great, since your car will be illegal here in a decade."
"Come one, come all, step right up and win the prize of a lifetime!" he added, donning a top hat and a cane and dancing around the U-Haul lot. "Who's gonna win? Nobody knows! It could be you! So get the vaccine and see just how much freedom there is once you leave the Golden State!"
At the announcement, millions of Californians rushed to get vaccinated, bringing the total number of vaccinated people in the state to 138 million.