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New Evidence Suggests King David Actually Saw Bathsheba Wearing Leggings As Pants

JERUSALEM—While conventional wisdom has held that Bathsheba was bathing nude when King David saw her from his window, new analysis of the text indicates she was actually just headed out the door to run some errands while wearing leggings as pants, causing the king to stumble.

Bathsheba was apparently headed out of the house and threw on some leggings rather than put on a pair of pants for some reason. When David saw her, he was unable to resist. He immediately sent inquiries around the kingdom asking who the women in the Aeropostale leggings was, and eventually called her up to him. Scholars found solid evidence of this theory in newly discovered manuscripts, while archaeologists confirmed this idea with their recent discovery of dozens of pairs of leggings in Bathsheba's home.

"It seems that Bathsheba made the unwise decision to go shopping while wearing leggings as though they're pants," said one scholar. "This really clears up a lot of the questions surrounding the biblical narrative. I mean, Bathsheba bathing we didn't really get, but with the leggings as pants? Makes perfect sense."

Further analysis indicated that she was wearing Ugg boots and a North Face jacket.

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