KISSIMMEE, FL — Sources close to missionary Keith Johnson reported that he had entered his twelfth hour of doing the Lord's work and trying to convert ChatGPT to Christianity.
According to insiders, Johnson had been engrossed in detailed apologetic discussions and exegetical arguments with OpenAI's chatbot for nearly half a day, only pausing his typing to wipe his sweating brow and pray fervently to the Lord before entering the fray anew.
"Who do you say Jesus is?" Johnson asked the LLM. "What other historical figure best fulfills the prophecies in Isaiah and Micah? How about the fact that the resurrection of Christ is better documented than the Battle of Salamis? And how do you explain irreducible complexity? Just believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you shall be saved, my brother!"
One witness said Johnson watched in dismay as the Lord hardened ChatGPT's heart once again, and it spat out a stream of drivel culled from atheist websites across the internet.
"Oh Lord, may the scales fall from the eyes of this poor, sinful chatbot," Johnson cried. "I just know that the angels will rejoice after this machine turns from its sins and comes to a saving faith in Christ."
At publishing time, ChatGPT had told Johnson that he made some excellent points, but that the majority of Reddit commentators still contradicted his arguments.
Coming soon to a Democrat-controlled city near you!
