MINNEAPOLIS, MN—We at The Babylon Bee try to keep you posted on the latest deals, sales, and offers from your favorite stores.
Today, we've got a great deal alert for you: all the Targets in the greater Minneapolis area are planning a big "everything is free" sale in celebration of the end of the Derek Chauvin trial. Held several times a year, the sale is a greatly anticipated event among residents, with many holding off on their largest purchases until the start of the promotion.
If the promotion proves successful, the store may expand the promotion to Target locations across the country. Stores in urban areas are much more likely to hold the sale, according to a spokesperson for the retail establishment.
"Look out for our exciting 'everything is free' sale coming soon to your area!" said the PR rep nervously. "Just come in and do some shopping, browse around, throw some bricks. It's a real event around here. A local custom, you might say."
"Also, please don't hurt me, I'm on your side. Justice!"
Financial advisers say this is a great chance to get some fantastic deals and also that it's the only time your wife will be able to leave a Target while spending less than $100.