WASHINGTON, D.C. — Insiders within the party that just had its candidate endorsed by Vladimir Putin and Dick Cheney report that its voters are starting to wonder if perhaps they took a wrong turn somewhere.
According to a top-ranking official in the DNC who spoke on condition of anonymity, Kamala's recent endorsements have left insiders a bit unsettled. "I mean, Dick Cheney? Seriously?" said the woman. "I'm really starting to question where we might have gone astray. So far, we have the support of Iran, Hamas, Putin, and Dick Cheney. That is...not a great list."
Democrat strategists are reportedly working around the clock to develop a way to keep the worst people on the planet from announcing their support for Harris. Potential ideas thus far include broadcasting Kamala's cackle in cities five times a day, doing a cringe Tik-Tok dance, or buying more Doritos from truck stops.
"I could handle Putin and Iran, I guess. But, Dick Cheney??" said local Democrat Sandra Denison. "It's time to take a long, hard look in the mirror."
At publishing time, the Democrat party had reportedly asked if anyone named Cheney would please, please reconsider their endorsement.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
