Sports
Mariners Celebrate Best Record In Years

SEATTLE, WA—The Seattle Mariners celebrated their best regular-season record in years going into June.

It was shaping up to be another bad season for the ball club, so Seattle fans were delighted to discover that the franchise hasn't lost a single game all season long as of today. At this point in the season, the Mariners are often struggling, with weaknesses in the team's lineup having been exposed and the club dipping below .500, so managers, players, and fans are all very excited with the current record of 0-0.

"With not a single loss this season, this is shaping up to be our best run in years," said GM Jerry Dipoto. "You know, the guys are just putting their heads down and hustling, giving 110%, and trying to win. We're giving it our all, not pulling any punches, being team players, and playing one game at a time. Also, we'd like to thank our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for this accomplishment."

"If we can keep this up into the postseason, we'll make history."

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