SAN ANTONIO, TX—According to sources, local man Greg Harding, who volunteered as a soccer and baseball coach and handed out hundreds of participation trophies throughout his tenure, launched into a long rant about “this generation” and how “these millennials don’t appreciate hard work.”
“I don’t know where they get this sense of accomplishment for doing absolutely nothing,” said the older man who had passed out truckloads of participation trophies, runner-up ribbons, and other meaningless awards to his kids and their teammates for decades. “I tell you what, they’re in for a rude awakening in a few years when they’ll have to be responsible for the trillions of dollars of debt racked up by politicians I voted for.”
Sources also confirmed Harding had allowed his kids to live with him until they were 25, given several of them jobs at his company, and always made sure they had the latest toys, gadgets, and other comforts.
“In my day, we did hard work and were rewarded for it. Nowadays, kids expect to be given juice boxes and orange slices just for showing up,” he said, though he himself had passed out juice and snacks to kids just for showing up to various sporting events throughout the years.
At publishing time, Harding had begun lamenting this generation’s “entitlement culture” as he wandered out to the mailbox to see if his social security check had come in yet.
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