Politics
Man Who Believes He's On The Right Side Of History Announces Crackdown On The Jews

ALBANY, NY—Governor Andrew Cuomo believes he is on the right side of history. He also just announced a plan to target and crack down on Jewish activity in his state.

"We're on the right side of history," said the man who announced a crackdown on Jewish synagogues. "Nothing bad has ever come from targeting Jews. They're Jews, for goodness' sake. If they didn't want to get harassed, they shouldn't have become Jews."

Cuomo briefly considered whether he was actually the bad guy.

"You, uh, targeted the Jews, my man," said one reporter.

"Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?" Cuomo answered thoughtfully.

"No," he finally concluded after several moments' thought. "It's the Jews who are wrong."

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