CORPUS CHRISTI, TX—Local man Dan Hastings proudly announced Friday afternoon that he now identifies as a woman and will go as “Danielle” going forward.
As soon as he made the announcement, his work congratulated him on his bravery and immediately reduced his pay by 23% to account for his new gender status.
“We’re really happy for Danielle as she begins her new life,” Hastings’ boss said. “But as everyone knows, women in this country make 77 cents on the dollar, all across the board. Based on this well-known and substantiated economic fact, I’m compelled to offer her a 23% pay reduction effective immediately.”
“Rules are rules,” he said.
Upon receiving the news, Hastings announced a new plan: to identify as a man from 8 to 5 every Monday through Friday, and change his gender identity “on the fly” while clocking out each evening.