COLLEGE STATION, TX — Off work for Columbus Day, local man Clay Taylor headed out to the golf course for a relaxing afternoon cursing himself and the day he was brought into this world.
Taylor, a young father of three, has rarely had time in this season of life to get out on the links and angrily yell profanity at himself.
"It was so nice to finally be back out there and deliver the most obscene tirades," said Taylor. "Between my career and family, I almost never have the time anymore to spend 18 holes just mercilessly berating myself. And don't get me wrong, I'm very much aware that I'm terrible at golf and have no business expecting myself to play well. That does not in any way change the fact that every time I hit a bad shot, I am going to unleash an absolute torrent of self-abuse."
According to friends, it took precisely two swings of the club for Taylor to start laying into himself. "Somehow, Clay smashed a beautiful drive on the first hole, with a tight draw on it and everything," said friend Kyler Crenshaw. "He was sitting about 90 yards out from the pin, then bladed the absolute heck out of the ball, sending it 70 yards over onto the next tee box. Clay doesn't actually cuss much outside of golfing, but wow. What a tapestry he wove at that moment. Gosh, I love golf."
At publishing time, Taylor had hugged his buddies on the final green, vowing to do this again real soon.
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