ROLAND, IA — While at his first job interview with a prospective employer Thursday, local man Justin Rasberger was crestfallen to learn that "quoting Monty Python" does not count as relevant job experience, and in fact is not currently considered a "marketable skill" among employers.
"So, yeah, I'm really good at quoting Monty Python and the Holy Grail, as you can see there under the 'special skills' section," he told the hiring managers at Dunsonson & Sons Accounting Firm. "I can pretty much do the whole movie. Do — do you guys want me to? Here, I'll just show you." Rasberger then began banging his hands together, pantomiming two empty halves of coconuts. "'Whoa there!' 'Halt! Who goes there!' 'It is I, Arthur, son of — "
It was at this point one of the interviewers cut him off. "Yeah, sorry, Mr., uh, Rasberger, was it? Yeah, uh, you're a really nice guy, and your six-month stint working at T.J. Maxx is, uh, impressive, but we just don't think quoting Holy Grail is really, you know, relevant job experience. For, uh, for any job, probably. Except, like, maybe some kind of job making a documentary about Monty Python or something like that."
"Oh! I see. Uh...well, the movie starts a little slow. I can start at the middle, maybe do the witch scene if you guys want? 'We have found a witch, may we burn her?' 'How do you know she is a witch?' 'She looks like one!'"
But when Rasberger saw the awkward looks on the interviewers' faces, he started to read the room.
"OK. I get it. Not big Holy Grail fans. I can do something from Circus. The fresh fruit sketch, maybe? 'Pointed stick? Oh, oh, oh. We want to learn how to defend ourselves against pointed sticks, do we?'"
"No? Nothing. OK. Man. I'm starting to worry I've wasted my whole life. Well, thanks for your time."
They shook his hand and showed him to the door.
"Unless... Is 'obscure Star Wars trivia' something you guys are looking for?"
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
