RICHMOND, VA—Tuesday seemed to be a banner day for Republicans. They won a huge victory in Virginia, and without the involvement of former President Donald Trump. Perhaps the Republicans had turned a new leaf.
But it was all a ruse.
As Youngkin gave his victory speech, he pulled off his mask and revealed that he had, in fact, been Donald Trump all along. “Hello, haters and losers!” Trump yelled. “I win again! Now I’m president of this state! Forty-nine more to go!”
“See?! I told you!” screamed Terry MacAuliffe from the crowd. “I told you that electing Youngkin was basically electing Trump! I told you!”
“Shut up, loser!” Trump responded. “I never came up with a nickname for you. It’s Terrible Terry. That’s your name now.” He looked at the rest of the crowd. “Now you’ll never get rid of me! Never!”
Moderate Republicans who had supported Youngkin in the race were inconsolable. “We thought it was okay to vote Republican since they were moving on from Trump,” sobbed Bryant Patton, a Never Trumper. “I just thought the Lincoln Project and Bill Kristol were weird grifters and/or pedophiles, but I should have listened to them and just voted for Democrats who hate and despise me instead of the Republican.”
Trump, though, was ready to get to work, first trying to find how he could get access to the Virginia governor’s Twitter account.