We're just assuming that, as loyal subscribers to The Babylon Bee, you already own every single piece of merchandise we have available in our store. It's a given, right? If you didn't, could even call yourself a fan? Exactly.

By now, you may have already seen our newest addition — the Caucasian Jack T-shirt! Nothing says "I'm a fiend for caramel-covered popcorn and peanuts but I abhor offensive racial terminology" like this sweet shirt. You can now, thankfully, proclaim your enjoyment of this beloved treat without fear of being socially canceled due to the use of problematic ethnic hate speech. It's the first step toward eliminating all offensiveness from our snacks.