Sports
Losing Baseball Team Suggests New Rules Allowing Them To Add 4 Players To The Field

HAMPTON FALLS, VA—The official softball team of Gracecornerstonelife Church in Hampton Falls was losing fair and square against the Mormon team last weekend. But then, they had a great idea: "rebalancing" the field by adding four of their own players to the outfield.

The team was quickly accused of "packing the field" and changing the rules in the middle of the game, but they reject these criticisms as unfounded and "maybe racist."

"We're not packing the field; we're unpacking it," said Pastor John. "We're merely rebalancing the game and making long-overdue changes to ensure the fans have a voice. They would be really unhappy if we lose." He gestured to the stands, where over seven fans were watching the game.

"The founding fathers of baseball never foresaw that one day we would be losing a game, against the LDS of all people," he added. "The rules of baseball are flexible -- a living document. Therefore, we should be able to change the rules in the middle of a game to our advantage."

If the rule change goes through, the church team will be allowed to immediately appoint four outfielders to join the game to help silence the Mormons' bats.

It may all be a moot point, however, as the Mormons have been accused of looking at seer stones to predict the opposing teams' plays.


Babylon Bee subscriber Mark Scheffler contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!
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