BOUNTIFUL, UT — A local runner made history Tuesday by completing a 26.2-mile marathon without ever posting a single update about his training schedule to Facebook.
Mark Stevenson finished the annual city marathon in 3 hours and 45 minutes. According to sources close to Stevenson, the entire four-month process somehow occurred in complete silence across all major social media platforms.
"We had no idea he was even running," coworker David Miller said. "He never uploaded a picture of his running shoes, never shared a map of his morning route, and never posted an inspirational quote about pushing through the wall. We assumed he spent his weekends watching television."
Stevenson admitted that he logged over 400 training miles without tagging his location, using a single hashtag, or asking his followers to donate to a personal fundraiser page. Neighbors reported seeing Stevenson run past their houses multiple times a week, but assumed he was simply running to catch a bus or trying to get away from a bear.
When asked how he managed to maintain a rigorous physical regimen without constant digital validation, Stevenson expressed confusion over the inquiry.
"I just bought some shoes and ran outside," Stevenson said. "I did not know I was supposed to tell everyone."
At publishing time, reports surfaced that a man in Tucson had been going to a CrossFit gym for months but had inexplicably avoided posting about it once on social media.
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