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The worst thing that could ever happen to you, ladies, is that you end up with the gift of singeleness. Nobody wants that! Name one good Christian who was single. We'll wait.
Got nothing? Darn right you don't. So, don't wait around for a Christian guy to notice you: follow these ten tips to attract his attention right this very instant.
1. Tantalize him by showing a little more ankle. — Hike up that floor-length denim skirt a few inches! Hubba hubba!
2. Ask him to mansplain the Bible to you. — "Can you explain this Bible verse to me? I'm a girl and don't understand it." He'll go crazy for this line.
3. Compliment him on the number of chairs he can carry — "Wow, 3 chairs at once? Are you doing anything later?"
4. Try to seem as desperate as possible — Send as many signals as possible that you're super desperate and clingy and you're really counting on this to work out.
5. If he doesn't propose to you in the first few weeks of dating, take charge and just propose yourself — Guys LOVE this move.
6. Get a coveted spot on the worship band so he'll see you while worshiping every Sunday. — Every time you sing one of the girl echo parts he'll be thinking about you. Which is what worship is all about.
7. Try to find his secret source of strength so you can cut his hair or whatever and domesticate him. — You've gotta change him so he'll be more sensitive and stuff.
8. Don't be picky -- be willing to convert to a different denomination to get a guy. — What's a little theological difference when it comes to romance? Be willing to become a Presbyterian or Catholic to find your soulmate.
9. Casually mention that your favorite book of the Bible is Song of Solomon. — Awooga!
10. Whisper in his ear, "You contribute nothing to your salvation except the sin that made it necessary." — The thirteen words every guy wants to hear.
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