NASHVILLE, TN - After months of speculation and several product delays, LifeWay Christian finally rolled out their most anticipated product release of the year on Tuesday: the Protective Christian Bubble™ for children.

According to LifeWay, the Bubble™ is "a huge step forward in Christian protective technology" and is constructed of a "revolutionary" poly material that, while completely sealing the child from the outer environment, allows the child to breathe unhindered while the intelligent processor embedded in the skin of the Bubble™ works continuously to identify and block any visual or auditory stimuli its advanced algorithms translate as "secular."

Available exclusively at LifeWay, the Bubble™ is available in a variety of sizes, with prices ranging from $499 (young toddler) to $799 (college age). According to the Christian chain's representative, if you want to get your hands on one, "you'd better act quickly, as we are seeing unbelievable demand for this product."