U.S. — In a powerful protest against Robert F. Kennedy Junior's caution against drinking alcohol at breakfast, liberals have begun chugging bottles of Everclear at 7 a.m. every single morning.
"We'll show you, RFK!" shouted local man Donovan Mitchell. "I'm about to wash this down with a gallon of red dye. Take that, you brain-wormed freak!"
With RFK Jr. stating that alcohol should be enjoyed in moderation and not for breakfast each day, liberals were left with no choice but to drink obscene amounts of 190-proof Everclear every morning. "No eggs for me, I'll just have Everclear," said local woman Jeannie Barton. "No alcohol for breakfast, huh? What will this lunatic think of next? I already feel healthier, happier, and weirdly, warmer. It could be that I spilled some Everclear near a candle and now my dining table is currently on fire. It's hard to say."
At publishing time, liberals had learned that RFK Jr. also recommended not drinking straight liquor for lunch either.
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