LONDON — Prime Minister Keir Starmer, amidst calls for his immediate resignation, sheepishly admitted to having no idea how to pronounce his own name.
"I've given a lot of you people flak for getting it wrong, but the truth is I haven't the foggiest idea how it's pronounced either," Starmer said. "I don't even know how to spell it."
Is it pronounced "Keer" as in "beer" and "Starmer" as in "farmer"? Or should everyone all be calling him "Greg" or something? The truth remains unclear.
Starmer's family could not be reached for comment because the family name is frequently misspelled in government forms, making it impossible to look up accurate contact information.
Critics of Starmer — or perhaps it is "Stahmor" — have frequently cited his ridiculous name as among several reasons he should resign, but admitted not knowing his true name may make it impossible to oppose him.
"He is wrong for the Labour Party," warned former Health Secretary Wes Streeting. "I had to resign myself, despite knowing that my name is very simple and easy to pronounce, unlike Stoomer's."
At publishing time, Carrie Slammer (or Keir Starmer, as it's commonly spelled) announced he was changing his name to Steve in an effort to hold the party together and retain power as prime minister.
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