U.S.—As the current crisis continues to spread, journalists are working hard researching ways to make the disaster all about them.
Reporters across the country are putting in long hours brainstorming ways that they're really the victims of our current crisis.
"We're the victims here, and we just have to figure out how," said one editor at The New York Times in a morning teleconference. "As with any story, we have to have a good, hard look at the facts so we can push the narrative that it's really all about journalists. Good journalists report the facts -- great journalists turn those facts into a story about how brave they are."
"And boy, are we the brave ones here."
Many journalism schools have shifted in recent years from teaching students to gather and report facts to teaching them to gather facts, figure out how they tell a story about themselves, and then report that story instead.
"It's really more creative writing than anything," said one journalism professor. "It takes a special kind of person to turn any news story into a narrative about how amazing everyone in their profession is."
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.