PALM BEACH, FL — Less than one month after the presidential election and still eight weeks away from his inauguration, experts have already confirmed that President-Elect Donald Trump now has the hottest cabinet of all time.
Trump has quickly assembled his roster of officials as he prepared to commence his second term as president, drawing strong reactions from analysts who hailed his team as by far the sexiest cabinet in American history.
"I just can't stop ogling his picks, especially that Border Czar," said one political expert. "We've always known that Trump had an affinity for surrounding himself with beautiful people, but this new cabinet takes the cake. Not even the astounding mustaches and mutton chops found in the Martin Van Buren administration can hold a candle to this. Caroline Leavitt, Tulsi Gabbard, Pam Bondi, Tom Homan. That's an all-star team of hotness if I've ever seen one."
Though critics raised concerns about Trump appointing candidates based on their looks, his transition team defended the selections. "Would you rather stare at ugly people during all the cabinet meetings?" one source asked. "President-Elect Trump has found that people work better in an environment filled with good-looking people. That's why he's got people like Kristi Noem on the team. And don't forget Linda McMahon."
According to high-ranking leaders of the Republican Party, former South Carolina Governor Nikkie Haly was still waiting for her phone to ring.
At publishing time, a Trump team insider also disclosed that discussions were taking place to create a "Trump Cabinet 2025" pinup calendar in time for Inauguration Day.
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